Getting to Know Tom Bruett, LMFT: A QueerPsych Member Interview

Here at QueerPsych, we have many outstanding mental health professionals who do extraordinary things every day. The work they do with their patients brings joy, validation, and understanding to the queer community after years of solitude, gaslighting, and more. This is why we love getting opportunities to celebrate all that our QueerPsych Members do for our Queer Community. And with that, let’s get to Tom Bruetty, LMFT!

Tom Bruett is a Licensed Marriage and Family Counselor and soon-to-be published author based in Denver, Colorado.  His clinic, Tom Bruett Therapy, provides online and in-person couples counseling, sex therapy, and relationship intensives for patients located in Colorado, California, and Maine. 

A holistic approach to therapy.

Every human on this plan experiences life differently, and those experiences shape our actions. For Mental Health Professionals, the perspectives gained from those experiences guide how they implement the different modalities of therapy, which is why we were eager for Tom’s to expand their therapeutic philosophies, adapting their techniques to meet the unique needs of 2SLGBTQIAP+ patients and how to help clients who feel “stuck” in their therapy. 

Q: How would you describe your overall approach to therapy, and what core values guide your practice? 

Tom: I work mostly with queer and gay clients, either in relationship or individual therapy. I use the Developmental Model, which is a blend of attachment science, neurobiology, and differentiation theory. I’m also a sex therapist. It’s my belief that through strong relationships, we build strong community, and I want to help the folx I work with improve their connections with themselves and their community. 

Q: How do you tailor your work to meet the unique needs of LGBTQIA+ clientele?

Tom: I started my training a decade ago, working in a queer community mental health clinic in the Castro in San Francisco called Queer Lifespace. Since then, all of my work has been queer-focused. I currently teach a 9-month program for other queer therapists to learn the Developmental Model that I’ve adapted for work with queer and trans relationships. Our relationships are different, and it’s important to honor all that comes with them. 

Q: What strategies do you use when a client feels stuck or resistant to progress in therapy?

Tom: I help them become very clear about what is important to them, and then we work backward. I see myself as part therapist, part coach, and part teacher/mentor. That looks different with different folx. 

Building trust is necessary to make changes in therapy.

As you may have experienced in your own life–therapy requires trust between therapist and patient. Part of therapy requires new patients working with new-to-them therapists to begin building the foundations of a trusting relationship, and it’s unique to each situation. We asked Tom about this process to gain more insight into his perspective on the building blocks of therapy and the work he does to continue learning. 

Q: How do you create a safe and trusting environment for your clients, especially those from marginalized communities?

Tom: There is a power difference in the therapy relationship. I think it’s important to notice that, call it out, and be aware of it always. Sometimes, as the person with more systemic power in the room it’s our job to invite people into conversations or at least let them know we’re open to talking about a topic should they so choose. 

Q: What steps do you take to ensure you provide culturally competent care for diverse identities and experiences within the LGBTQ+ community?

Tom: I’m always listening, training, and learning. That’s what’s so beautiful about this work: we get to be students for the rest of our careers. 

Q: What does your continuing education path look like? 

Tom: I’m currently working on my ASSECT certification, so much of my CEU work right now is focused on sex therapy. 

Q: What’s one area of your work you’re currently striving to grow or improve in?

Tom: As I said, I’m working toward my ASSECT certification, so I want to bring more queer-competent and affirmative work into the field of sex therapy. The research is lacking right now, and I feel we’re often an afterthought in sex therapy research. This has to change. 

Connect with Tom Bruett

We hope you’ve enjoyed getting to know Tom as much as we have. His insight has been invaluable, and if you feel that way as well, we encourage you to reach out! You can also get more insight from Tom in his new book, The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment, which will be launching in March 2025 and is currently available for pre-order. 

Not in Tom’s region of practice, but feel inspired to start your own therapy journey? Search our QueerPsych Directory with verified queer safe mental health professionals to get started.