Over the last decade, my friends and I have often joked about them not needing therapy because they have me as a friend. This stems from my tendency to be a deeply connected, spiritual, and self-aware person who can help others reflect on their lives, explore their struggles, and provide consistent support throughout the week. It’s simply how I show up in relationships, given my Virgo nature and Virgo mid-heaven.
However, there are several reasons why we shouldn’t treat our best friends as therapists. Today, we’re going to break them down with these reasons your best friend shouldn’t be your therapist.
1. It Puts Undue Pressure on Your Friend
Treating your best friend like a therapist can put a ton of undue pressure on them. This pressure might manifest in several ways:
- Feeling stressed about how they respond to and show up for you
- Putting extra effort into listening on a different level than just being a friend
- Feeling pressured to give “good advice” that leads to results, change, or better self-awareness
While the relationship may not be entirely one-sided, it can become unbalanced, with your friend feeling more pressure than they should.
2. You Might Be Hijacking Your Friend’s Therapy Sessions
Surprisingly, treating your friend like a therapist can put more pressure on their actual therapist. Your friend might feel compelled to bring up your issues in their therapy sessions because:
- They want to help you better
- They want to improve how they show up for you
- They may want to “crowdsource” your issues with someone they perceive as a better problem-solver
As a result, your friend might end up using their own therapy time to work through your problems instead of focusing on their own struggles and issues.
3. Lack of Professional Training
This should probably be the first one! But alas, here we are.
One of the most crucial reasons not to treat your friend as a therapist is that they lack the professional training of a therapeutic provider. Even if your friend happens to be a therapist in their day job, they haven’t agreed to the same parameters with you that they would with their clients. This means:
- They may not have the training to remain unbiased
- They may not have the knowledge to hold themselves accountable in their work with you
- The relationship lacks the structure and boundaries of a therapeutic relationship
The Importance of Professional Therapy: Why You Should See a Therapist
Therapy is life-changing and has helped countless people, myself included, to work through their trauma, relationships, work lives, and more. Having a trained therapist who knows how to support you appropriately and meets with you regularly can be incredibly beneficial.
Final Thoughts on Seeing a Professional Therapist (and why your friend shouldn’t be your therapist)
So, let’s get this straight. We can always confide in our friends, lean on them for support, and more. But, instead of treating your best friend as your therapist, I strongly recommend finding a professional therapist who clicks with you and can provide the support you need. A good therapist can be a game-changer in your personal growth and well-being.
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If you’re looking for other articles I’ve written for QueerPsych, you can find them here! Or, if you want to talk more about this topic, I’d be happy to chat with you in my DMs on Instagram. You can find me at @thefriendineverwanted.
