Welcome to Pronouns 101 - a beginner's guide to pronouns!

In today's society, understanding and using correct pronouns is not just a matter of language but a crucial step towards promoting LGBTQ+ (2SLGBTQIA+) inclusivity. 

Using someone's correct pronouns is not just a linguistic formality but a fundamental aspect of respecting and affirming their identity. 

For many individuals, particularly trans, non-binary, and gender-nonconforming people, being referred to by the correct pronouns can be a matter of feeling seen, heard, and validated. On the other hand, misgendering or using incorrect pronouns can lead to feelings of invalidation, erasure, anxiety, and marginalization. 

By grasping the significance of pronouns, you are equipping yourself with knowledge that can make a real difference in someone's life. This simple act can profoundly impact their well-being and sense of belonging in the various groups and spaces they enter, showing the power of empathy and care in supporting mental health. 

This post serves as a beginner's guide to pronouns. It aims to demystify the complexities of pronoun usage and provide a comprehensive resource for those seeking to understand and support the different people around them. 

In the following sections, we'll explore what pronouns are, why they matter, and how to use people's pronouns correctly.

Whether you're an ally, a member of the Queer community (or simply looking to learn more), this guide will help you navigate the world of pronouns with confidence and respect. 

Let's get started on this Journey of learning and growth!

What are Pronouns? 

Pronouns are words that replace nouns in language. Common examples of pronouns include she, he, they, and it. 

Pronouns are not just words. They are vital to self-expression and identity affirmation. 

How do you use pronouns correctly? 

Pronouns are often used to describe a person when not using their name, making communication more efficient and concise (though some people do not use pronouns to represent themselves and ONLY want to be referred to by their name instead of a pronoun). 

When used to describe living creatures (especially humans), pronouns play a far more significant role than simplifying language—they also carry substantial social and cultural meaning. 

For many people, pronouns are closely tied to their identity, particularly in the context of gender. Understanding and respecting this is crucial to creating a more inclusive and respectful society, fostering a sense of connection and understanding.

For example:

Transgender people may use pronouns that align with their gender identity (which differs from what they were assigned at birth). 

Non-binary people may use gender-neutral pronouns like "they" and "them" (or neo-pronouns) to avoid binary gender associations. 

Gender-nonconforming people may also use pronouns that don't conform to traditional gender norms. 

Here are some common types of pronouns people may use: 

• Binary Pronouns (He/him and She/her)

• Gender-neutral (Non-Binary) Pronouns (they/them and it/its) used to refer to people who are non-binary, genderqueer, or gender-nonconforming 

  • Some nonbinary people may use NeoPronouns (such as xe/xem, ze/hir, and ey/em). NeoPronouns (new pronouns) are a category of pronouns that don't fit traditional binary or gender-neutral options, often created by individuals to describe their unique gender identities in ways that don't conform to traditional terminology. *More info on NeoPronouns.

Gender is NOT Binary

We are (more often than not) assigned pronouns at birth (before we are old enough to express our desires about who we are or who we want to become). 

Traditionally, many societies have used binary pronouns like "he" and "she" to refer to individuals based on their perceived gender (without asking the person how they feel about the other person's assumption). 

This binary approach does not account for (and often erases the experiences of) those who are trans, non-binary, genderqueer, or gender-nonconforming. 

In our society, pronouns often are loaded with assumptions about a person. 

For those of us who find ourselves in positions where others frequently make incorrect assumptions about us, it is priceless when others truly see us, affirming and respecting our pronouns and identities. 

Some people do not feel these assumptions fit them. Some of us would rather others not make snap judgments about who we are based on society's gendered stereotypes. 

While some people will fit the assumptions made about them at an early age, others, like myself, may grow to realize they've been miscategorized (as I did). 

From about the age of four or five, I knew that despite the assignment I'd been given, I was NOT "a girl." I wasn't a boy, either. 

For most of my life, I felt "trans adjacent" but didn't know I was trans. 

I related to having the "wrong gender assignment," but if I wasn't a trans man or a trans woman -  what WAS I?

Gender and sex are both human experiences that exist on a spectrum.

The idea of a binary gender system is challenged by the existence of intersex people (1.7% of the U.S. population, equivalent to about 5.6 million U.S. residents). 

Intersex people are born with sex characteristics (such as sexual anatomy, reproductive organs, hormonal patterns, and/or chromosomal patterns) that do not fit typical binary notions of “male or female” bodies.

If even human sex is not binary, how can gender be?

In nature, with other animals, sex is not consistently binary or fixed, as seen in species like clownfish (which can change sex from male to female) and some frogs (which can be both male and female simultaneously). 

Many animals, such as some species of turtles, fish, and frogs, exhibit sex variability (where individuals can switch sex or exhibit both male and female characteristics), showing how unnatural it is to be restricted to only two binary genders or sex roles is (when compared to other animals). 

Unfortunately, this modern binary gender idea is often the only paradigm most people know (thanks to society's continued erasure of nonbinary people) for the past five to six hundred years (or more). 

I didn't know that I was nonbinary (a transgender identity that doesn't fall within the modern binary categories of "man" or "woman") for most of my life.

Growing up in the Bible Belt (in Texas), I did not know for many years that there were other options outside of the modern (human-enforced) gender binary. 

For most of my life, I thought both gender and sex were binary. So I (a nonbinary person) had no choice but to "stay in the closet" (because, though I felt like calling myself "a woman" was a lie, I wasn't quite "a man" either). 

I didn't know what to call myself for most of my life- until I learned about non-binary (and genderfluid) people. 

Now I know that I'm genderfluid, which means my gender identity is fluid and ever-changing (instead of in one fixed place). 

My name is Lyric Rivera, and I use the gender-neutral pronouns they/them. I really appreciate it when my allies make an effort to get my pronouns correct (even if they make mistakes).

Learning and embracing myself, who I am, and where I float along the gender spectrum, while challenging at times, has primarily been empowering (especially when my allies do the work needed to "get things right"). 

How to be a better ally:

Using the correct pronouns can be a powerful way to acknowledge and respect someone's gender identity, which can have a profound impact on their mental health, well-being, as well as their relationship with you. 

In essence, pronouns are not just a matter of grammar – they are a fundamental aspect of recognizing and respecting someone's identity.

Why Pronouns Matter 

Using correct pronouns is not just a matter of political correctness; it has a profound impact on the mental health and well-being of individuals, particularly those with marginalized gender identities. 

Being greeted with the correct pronouns can help create a more welcoming environment. It can reduce discomfort by validating a person's identity and helping them feel safe, seen, and included within a group or relationship (leading to a sense of belonging and self-acceptance). 

When we use someone's pronouns, we respect their identity and acknowledge their existence. This can have a significant impact on mental health, particularly for individuals who have experienced trauma or marginalization. 

By creating a welcoming environment, we can help reduce feelings of anxiety, depression, and isolation and promote a sense of belonging and connection.

How to Use Pronouns Correctly

A common question people unfamiliar with pronoun use have is, "How do you know what pronouns to use?"

Using pronouns correctly is a skill that takes practice. Still, it's vital to create a welcoming and inclusive environment. 

Here are some tips on using pronouns correctly in everyday life: 

1. Never assume someone's pronouns based on their appearance or behavior. Sometimes, you may encounter situations where someone's pronouns are unknown. If so, use gender-neutral pronouns like they/them until you can confirm their correct pronouns. 

2. Ask people's pronouns: Avoid assumptions. Don't assume someone's pronouns based on appearance or behavior. If you need clarification on what pronouns someone uses, ask politely and respect their wishes.

3. Use people's correct name and chosen pronouns: If someone introduces themselves with a name and pronouns, use them! 

4. Respect name and pronoun changes: Remember that pronouns can change; some people may use multiple pronouns. If someone's name or pronouns change, respect the update and use their new name and/or pronouns. 

5. Apologize and correct yourself: If you accidentally use the wrong pronouns, apologize and correct yourself. What's important is that you're willing to learn and respect someone's identity.

NOTE: Remember, changing your language is like building a new habit. It is a process, and it's okay to make mistakes. People can distinguish between someone genuinely trying to get it right and someone not making an effort. 

Continuing the Journey 

This post is just the beginning of your Journey toward understanding pronouns and their role in crafting truly inclusive spaces (and relationships). Remember that learning is a continuous process; there's always more to discover. 

Allyship (and inclusion) is a journey, not a destination. Continuing to learn and grow can help you become the best ally you can possibly be. 

Here are some next steps: 

• Continue learning about LGBTQ+ issues and advocacy. 

• Engage in conversations with Queer/2SLGBTQ+ individuals and listen to their experiences. 

• Support LGBTQ+ organizations and initiatives (like QueerPsych). 

• Stand up, and speak up for the rights of Queer people (because we need allies more than ever these days).