Let’s talk about what is “Queering” self-care and how we redefine our wellness practices, specifically for those within the LGBTQIA+ community. What does that even look like? 

To be “Queer” is to go against the grain and to engage in active political Queerness, but what does it mean to actively “Queer” something? 

It can mean standing up for what is rightfully ours–what fuels us and helps us to feel a part of the rest of the world. So by saying that we are redefining our wellness practices for the Queer community, we are saying, “We are different, we have different needs other than the neurotypical community or the straight community, and our needs are various as a marginalized group of people.” Our needs are so much more complex than just doing self-care as a whole. 

Understanding Queer-Specific Self-Care Needs

In relation to how we can better understand what Queer people’s specific needs are for self-care, I would say that we start where we should always start, which is by asking the people who know most what they feel is needed. In this case, the people who know the most about what is truly needed to care for themselves are the same Queer people who are within the marginalized group itself. In this regard, if we are asking what kind of self-care serves Black people best, we should ask a Black community what they feel is intrinsic and needed to care for themselves. 

So, as a Queer person, I feel that I can speak for my needs and maybe a fraction of Queer people’s needs, but the answers I come up with are not representative of all Queer people by any means. 

One cornerstone of caring for ourselves as Queer folks, I see, is community care. Queer folx tend to gravitate towards chosen families and very close-knit friend groups and so having care from those groups and those families is crucial to life and survival.

Another very important form of self-care is going to therapy, or having access to some sort of mental health processing, and taking the time to engage in active, caring for ourselves with providers who know what they're doing and are educated in Queer life, community, politics, struggles, etc.

By being able to understand what we need to fill our cups, we are better able to communicate it to those around us. And so, if you've not dived deep into what really fills your cup, what keeps you going, what keeps you stocked on spoons from day to day, then one of my main recommendations is to sit down and journal. I know so many of us hate journaling, me too, but writing down what helps you feel like you on a daily basis and the places in which you can find that care can be so helpful.

Incorporating Identity-Affirming Practices

Another really important part of “Queering” self-care for folx is incorporating a variety of identity-affirming practices that feel important to you. Self-care, for some Queer people, can look like taking hormones. And for other Queer people, seeking out gender-affirming surgeries can be a form of self-care. For some folx, wearing gender-affirming clothing or finding clothing that fits their body comfortably in general can be a form of self-care.

There are so many different versions of identity-affirming practices that are unique to each and every one of us and finding out which ones speak to you can help move you forward in feeling more like yourself. 

The Role of Community in LGBTQ+ Self-Care

I spoke to this briefly before, but Queer people do oftentimes have close-knit chosen families. In these cases, not only is there self-care to contend with in the ways that they are taking care of themselves on their own, but there is also the act of taking care of others within the community and in those chosen family spaces. 

This means that if you have the spoons to show up for your best friend or your chosen family member, do so because they will, in return, also show up for you. 

This can almost be like passing spoons back and forth–which, don’t get me wrong, is not ideal–and in a world where we are functioning already with limited spoons this can be an act of love and care. The myriad of ways that we choose to care for ourselves in our community is often life-saving, life-altering.

Creating Sustainable, Queer-Centered Wellness Habits

For me, creating sustainable self-care and wellness habits looks like finding the right habits that are both repeatable and easily executable. My goal here is that I do not feel like I’m draining myself by engaging in my own self-care activities. 

I want to say that again. Doing self-care should not drain you. 

Yes, it can require a little bit more effort upfront in order to allow you to relax into the actual practice. But ultimately, engaging in self-care should help boost or maintain your energy reserves and fill your cup, not drain it. So if you find yourself consistently feeling more drained after engaging in self-care practices, or if there is not a feeling of calmness, satisfaction, success, etc., on the other end of doing the activity, then really question whether what you're engaging in is actually sustainable and helpful in the long run. 

Final Thoughts on Queering Self-Care

I want to highlight here that Queering self-care looks different to each and every one of us. What is “Queering” for one person isn't necessarily helpful for another. And so really knowing what works best for you is the most important thing, and the second most important, in my opinion, is being able to communicate that to others. 

Whether that is your community, whether that is your family, whether that's your chosen family, the better that you are able to communicate what helps you feel more you, the better those around you are able to support you in that, and when other people are able to support you, you are also more capable of supporting yourself. 

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If you're looking for other articles I've written for QueerPsych, you can find them here! Or, if you want to talk more about this topic, I'd be happy to chat with you in my DMs on Instagram. You can find me at @thefriendineverwanted.