As we all know, queer joy isn’t something that’s always easy to come by. Living in oppressive families and communities, the fear of authentically presenting in public, not to mention the current political climate; most times we just need to do what’s necessary and safe. This can make accessing joy, especially queer joy, a struggle. 

Accessing queer joy

While I do feel uncertain about publicly admitting that sometimes I find it hard to access queer joy, particularly as a queer therapist, trainer, and facilitator for other queer helpers and healers, I also know in my bones that I’m not the only one that feels this way. And I’m a stickler for authenticity so here we are. 

Like most things in adult life, if you don’t schedule and plan for it then it’ll probably never happen. So just like I advise my clients who are depressed in the winter to push themselves to go outside in the morning to access some sunlight, I’m going to push us (including myself) to do something that’s good for us: schedule time for queer joy. 

Sure, we’d love to be people who can spontaneously experience unabashed joy for and about our queerness. But these days, we’ve gotta be realistic. (If you’re already spontaneously doing this day after day, please email me and tell me your secret.) 

Queer joy is essential to our mental health and overall wellbeing

Study after study validates that when someone has to suppress their true self they suffer in many different ways, including mentally. We know this queer specific joy is a lifeblood for ourselves and our communities. How do we incorporate it into our daily, or even weekly, lives? 

Let’s take a moment to think about what brings you joy

Think about the last 2-3 times you experienced joy.

This transcendent feeling, beyond happiness, that plasters a smile across your face, lifts your heart toward the sky, and awakens parts of you that were dormant. This feeling that is unforgettable, pleasurable, and desirable. This feeling that we barely experienced when we were closeted because being joyous necessitates freedom and freedom includes safety. 

What were some commonalities about the last few times you experienced joy? Maybe they involved other people who you care about or have connections with or these times happened when you were alone connecting with your true self. 

What were you doing in these joyous memories?

Singing, dancing, loving, playing, creating? 

Whatever it was, take note because this is your entrypoint. We can turn our joy into queer joy by channeling parts of ourselves that refuse to hide. In celebrating our wholeness we are honoring ourselves as well as the millions of queer folx across our planet who deserve to see queer joy represented and celebrated as an act of love and solidarity. 

Embracing ourselves in all of our queer-ness can usher us into the realm of queer joy where it is possible to let go and lean into the pleasure and excitement. 

So pull up your calendars and find some pockets of time in the next week, as short as 5 minutes, where you can schedule in “Queer Joy”. During these times you get to do whatever your queer heart desires that’s joyful and accessible in the moment.

Some ideas include:

• playing your favorite queer anthem and having a little dance party

• spending fun time with others who affirm all parts of you

• trying out that new makeup that you love but are a little nervous about wearing

• going to a local queer-friendly business and relaxing into the safety that can be found there

• making a little piece of art for yourself or to give to someone you care about

• or whatever else floats your boat!

The big point here is that you schedule it and then actually allow yourself to engage when the time comes. Then you can notice what happens. Feel the enjoyment, soak in the pleasure, and then carry that into the rest of your day. This is radical. This is resistance. This is what will sustain us through the challenging times ahead. 

QueerPsych's queer joy event with Jennifer Wolfe-Hagstrom, LICSW

While you have your calendars up, maybe you’d like to schedule in Queer Psych’s upcoming free Queer Joy event with me! It’s December 6th at noon PT/3pm ET.

And if you’re really feeling ambitious you can check out my next creative expression offering for helpers and healers.

It’s virtual, pay-what-you-can, and is a safe space to connect with yourself and others who get what it’s like to be helpers during this time of uncertainty. Monday, December 16, 2024 at 6:30pm Eastern, via Zoom.

Sign up early and I’ll mail you a care package of art supplies!